Outside the rain runs down the, dirtied by months of ice and snow, window. The first rain always makes things so gloomy until the salted, filthy snow melts into the ground and the muddy, brown grass turns green again.
Iowa winters in particular can be long and dreadful. The first snowfall is exciting and beautiful, but after the holidays are over, the frigid temperatures and constant snow starts to cloud over everyone – making it hard to remember the joys of summer and the times when happiness comes so easily.
Thankfully, no season in life lasts forever. The winter season is slowly shifting towards spring; flowers, sun, and the comfort of warmer air. I look out that same window and see my reflection staring back.
I snap back into reality and realize that that reflection says it all.
Much like the weather, we (David and I) are in a season of waiting. A season that feels similar to a long, gloomy winter that never seems to end.
My hope has started to shift from wanting to experience the next season, to getting the most out of this one. I refuse to waste this time in our lives and have it be forever haunted by that deep pain at the bottom of my stomach that includes the broken pieces of so many hard days.
Time will continue to pass; and with no control from us, the snow will melt, and a new season will start
So why not play in the snow?
I am making a conscious effort to enjoy this life of mine; every second. I don’t think we can ever try too hard at living in the present, and unless we make that conscious effort to soak in each breath, we’ll go back to breathing just to live, not to really live. We are instinctively always making goals, plans, looking at the future, and trying to change, but what happens if we just stop trying so hard? Will the time we spend on worrying and planning be replaced with actually doing and maybe in the end, feeling happier, less stressed, and more successful at the things that really matter to us?
Isn’t that what life is about?
If (personally) I spend less time on Facebook, and more time on practicing yoga, will that make me happier? Yes. If I spend less time thinking about how to use my creativity, and more time using it, will that make me happier? Yes. If I spend less time worrying about when we will become parents, and more time trusting God will make it happen one way or another, will I feel comforted? Yes. If I spend less time worrying about what work needs to be done, and more time spent with my family, trying to be the best wife, daughter, sister, and aunt (and another niece/nephew on the way! Surprise!!!! !!!!), will that make me happier? More than ever.
So why do we waste so much time on doing those things that don’t necessarily make us happier? Maybe we take all of the good things for granted by not fully being in the present? We are always one step ahead of ourselves.
This time, as I look out the window, I see the birds who have stuck out this long winter flying around and the trees that stood strong as ice and snow weighted them down for months, and the blue sky that hides behind the thick, gray cloud cover…
** Prepare for goosebumps**
I wrote this post earlier today, looking out this very same window (the window I talk about above)…hours upon hours after I finished writing this post, the rain picks up and a storm rolls in (remember it’s only February still, so any type of rain, especially a thunderstorm is really out of the ordinary!). After some time passes, the skies get a little brighter and I glance out the window just in time to catch this beautiful full rainbow which appeared just long enough for me to snap a picture, directly outside of that very same window I reflected about hours before. I immediately understood what I was being told by this symbol of hope. Everything is going to be ok. Every season, every storm; passes.
I’m being looked after.