Acceptance

15 Jun

Happy Friday! So I wrote an entry earlier this week covering this topic and then deleted it…I’m not sure why. I was hesitant to share and felt like just typing out my thoughts was enough but then today I got to thinking – I’m going to attempt to rewrite it as I think it’s important for myself to have a record of it to look back on when I am struggling as well as maybe someone who comes across this post and is struggling with acceptance…so it may be wordy, and it may be all over the place, but bear with me…

When I was diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea, I constantly battled (and still do at times) the negative thoughts of why? Why do I have to be THE 1 in 5 that have fertility issues? Why did I do this to myself? Why am I broken? Why didn’t I realize it sooner? As you can see I battle regret, guilt, blame, hate, all of it. Aside from the negative thinking and the million questions that have gone through my mind almost daily in the last 6 months…I am working on acceptance.

Not giving up but giving in.

For the first few months I constantly battled my issues which almost ruined me. It sucked the life out of me. It was tiring and overwhelming. But until I decided I needed to accept what I was going through, I would never make any progress by fighting it.

I think this is so important in life, no matter what it is – the loss of a loved one, your health, a bad outcome, something you have no control over –there comes a point when you fought the whys and battled your heart out but once you’ve put up a good fight, giving in is the only place that you’ll find peace. Giving in is where I can raise my head high and accept the fact that things are not going as planned, things are challenging me back, and that’s ok, because that’s going to make me the person, and mom someday, that I want to be…strong, confident, and unbeatable.

_______

*With acceptance, I plan on working on adding some more photos to the blog … it’s looking too blah for me so be on the lookout for more colorful posts 🙂 Here’s to the weekend!

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2 Responses to “Acceptance”

  1. Toma Imatova October 3, 2013 at 6:34 am #

    Hi Mallory.
    I wanna tell you a billion thank you for what you wrote. It’s exactly what I feel.
    HA makes me feel miserable, like I don’t deserve to be a woman. I’m trying to find the right way.
    Thank you again. I admire you.

    • Mallory October 22, 2013 at 10:00 am #

      Hey girl!!! I understand ur feelings regarding feeling broken, but you got this hun!!! U can fix it, u are strong enough!! 🙂 ur already doing so much to recover just by finding blogs and research to help. Sending prayers!

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