Archive | July, 2012

Bucket List

27 Jul

Happy Friday everyone! I want to start out by saying that I appreciate all of you reading during the days that are hard for me to get through…one thing about starting this blog was to hopefully help someone else some day but I’ve come to learn that a huge thing about this blog is for me to use it as an emotional outlet. I am able to write how I feel and not feel like I need to apologize for the days that I am struggling. It’s the reality of life whether it’s struggling with infertility or a death or any other challenge life throws at you. Having something to express how you are feeling is therapeutic and necessary. Thank you for allowing me to use all of you as a base for that therapy in my life.

Today is a new day and it’s the best day of the week…Friday! Yesterday when I was on a walk with Gizmo, I started to think of how often I wish my life away. We all do it, its human nature. But life is too short to go from day-to-day without really living. So today I want to focus on my Bucket List.

A Bucket List is basically a list of things you wish to accomplish before you die. It could be goals, aspirations, events, facing your fears, anything. It could change daily, be added to, things can be crossed off (and should be!), it can be things that are unrealistic and unreachable or things that could be accomplished today even. So here we go!

  1. Ride in a hot air balloon
  2. Visit Wilmington, NC to tour and see all of the One Tree Hill landmarks {I will do this some day!}
  3. Travel to Ireland and maybe France again
  4. Live for a few weeks in Hawaii (I have a girl I went to college with that lives there as a nurse and she has the most amazing pictures/videos and it’s her everyday life. I wouldn’t want to live there for long but to experience what it’d be like would be simply amazing.)
  5. Become a trainer or nutritionist of some sort to help others work towards their goals to live a healthier life.
  6. Take a class on cake decorating
  7. Work in a bridal shop (I just love weddings and it all starts at the dress!)
  8. Freelance full-time or have our own photography business/studio
  9. See a whale -yep, never seen one other than in Free Willy!
  10. Go horseback riding
  11. Do the Color Run (October 6th this will be crossed off!)
  12. Test drive an Audi (of course because of 50 shades …hehe)
  13. Go on a no-budget shopping spree
  14. Finish crocheting my blanket
  15. Have my mom teach me how to sew
  16. Take a pottery class (I absolutely loved pottery in high school)
  17. Run a half marathon (maybe even a full some day)
  18. Learn how to bartend (a week ago I had a dream I was hired as a bartender in a new restaurant and I’m not a very adventurous drinker so I was so lost and I had to flip the bottles just like on Coyote Ugly, I woke up scared to death)
  19. Do something for my parents to show my appreciation for graduating college debt free
  20. Take a jazzercise or zumba class
  21. Go zip lining
  22. Take my telescope out in the middle of nowhere and spend a night looking at the stars
  23. Get a tattoo (ok David and my mom are going to go nuts but I’ve always thought a (very) small, very discrete, meaningful tattoo would be special. )
  24. Be called mommy
  25. Have a professional organizer – or a maid would do 😉
  26. See a medium
  27. Adopt a dog
  28. Send off a bunch of floating lanterns all at once
  29. Own a pair of ice skates and ice skate outside
  30. Have a 50th wedding anniversary
  31. Learn how to make our own wine
  32. Live to see cancer be cured
  33. Find a four leaf clover
  34. Give up all processed food for 30 days
  35. Play hockey with David, just once.

So my list could really keep going on and on and on…and I might even do a Bucket List Second Edition!

I encourage you all to write your own Bucket List. It’s very refreshing and puts things into perspective. Life is short. We are here for a reason, whether it’s to live that life for everything it’s worth and enjoy the heck out of it or to change someone else’s life or even just to experience all there is to experience. Go out there and start living. I plan for this post to hold me accountable to start living and stop wishing time away. Time is too precious.

What are some things that would be found on your bucket list?


Hanging by a thread

26 Jul

I haven’t touched on my journey towards having a baby in a while and with having kind of a bad week, struggling with so much confusion, overanalyzing, and disappointments, I thought today would be a good, therapeutic day for me to share some of my thoughts and feelings.

This week is the completion of our 7 months since starting to try for a baby. The first month I remember being so heartbroken when I didn’t have a period and had so many negative pregnancy tests. I remember going to the Dr. at the end of February and them telling me not to worry and to try and not to stress about it.

7 months later, I am still struggling, if not worse, as the stress just keeps building with the time thats passing. More friends have announced their pregnancies and the friends who were announcing their pregnancies when we first started trying are now having their little ones, sharing their joy with the world. I am extremely happy for them, but it’s killing me inside to want this so bad, more than anything we’ve ever wanted and there’s nothing I can do to get that now but wait.

I’ve gained the weight, gave up the exercise, got a rather long cycle back, and continue to try and not stress and let things be. It’s so much easier said than done as I think about this process multiple times throughout the day with all sorts of regrets and anxieties echoing inside. I have come to the point that all there is to do is wait, hope, and pray. I have made progress, I will get there some day soon enough.

If there’s any good that has come out of this struggle where I am at right now it would be to realize how many people around me could be going through their own struggles and challenges that I may or may not know about, and every single person has gone through something…I am not alone. I always try and remind myself that there are so many other challenges and heartbreak in life and this will seem so small some day.

I have met some amazing, strong women through this process of healing and I have an amazing family and husband who have been there for me through it all…but in the end, I have this inner battle with myself that goes between anger and hope and devastation and frustration.

I know I will get there some day and God’s plan doesn’t always match up with mine but this one, this one I had so much hope that it would…and someday it will.

But today all I have to hold on to is that the sun WILL come out soon enough, but for today I am alive, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful for so much in my life that appreciating that and living towards that helps to fill every part of my heart and overfill into the cracks and even seep into the small hole.

“You wake up every morning and ask yourself ‘What am I doing here anyway?’ With the weight of all those disappointments, whispering in your ear, You’re just barely hanging by a thread…you wanna scream but you’re down to your last breath and you don’t know it yet. Find the strength to rise above, you will…one day you will.” -Lady Antebellum One Day You Will

Community Support Agriculture (CSA)

24 Jul

Sorry for not updating lately, I’ve been pretty busy both at work and at home. I am currently freelancing a wedding for August and we recently took some pictures for a friend’s 4 year old little girl, so the blogosphere has been set on the side burner. But I’m back!

Today I wanted to tell you all about our CSA! My sister and I heard about it through a coworker of her’s and saw a booth for sign-up at our local farmer’s market over the winter. We decided to try it out together and split it each week, and the cost.

Luckily, my husband’s insurance offers reimbursements for CSA’s so we got a good amount of our money back just by signing up! I think that’s so awesome in a health insurance company and that more should be offering reimbursements for healthy living.  This particular insurance company also offers reimbursements for fitness memberships which is also very nice!

If you are interested in a local CSA, make sure to check your insurance company and see if they offer any reimbursements to help you be a healthier you! It’s nice they are trying to prevent illness vs. offering help after the harm is already done…I could go on and on and on about this topic!!!

So what is a CSA?

“Farm members pay the farmers at the beginning of the growing season for a share in the season’s harvest on the farm.  In return the farm members, or shareholders, receive a weekly box of produce directly from the the farm that is delivered to several designated dropsites.” –Small Family Farm, CSA

It’s so important to shop locally and support your local farmers, one of the many benefits of a CSA. It also gives you the chance to eat foods that we are meant to eat…the foods that nature grows so we are sure to get the right nutrients for that time of year.

Here’s a peak at what we got in our box last week! {{This is before we split it…}}


Included in there is:

Patty Pans
Red Onions
Red Curly Kale

The program we signed up for is a 20-week program that goes from June to mid October. We get a different variety of vegetables and fruit each week for whatever is in season at that time of the year. I am so excited for fall when we get pumpkins!

With the drought this year, the crops have been hurting some, but we still get some pretty amazing stuff! I also love that we can try new things and new recipes while eating healthy and locally! For our family, with splitting it with my sister and receiving the reimbursement, it breaks down to about $7 a week for half of the box.

Last night we grilled the eggplant, it was very good and something I have never tried before! I’ve also had garlic scapes, collard greens, swiss chard, and patty pan…so many things I’ve never even heard of not to mention tried or cooked with! I really enjoy each week going on Google Images and seeing what each thing in our box is and different recipes to try.

This past week I also made Healthy Zucchini brownies using the zucchini we got last week. They turned out great! Look for the recipe to come.


“Who you choose to give your money to grow, cook or serve your food to you has an impact on your immediate economy, and ecology.” –Small Family Farm, CSA