I Will Always Be A Runner

17 Jul

It’s crazy that it’s July 17th already!! Where is this summer going!? We’ve just recently started to do our ‘summer’ things like going to the beach, being on the river, having cookouts with friends, and now this week and next are our County fairs…which means, summer is coming to an end, quickly.

Another thing that I was thinking about is that my last run was April 26th and I’ve made it mostly through summer without a single run.

Last summer, every morning, at 5:30 I was at the trail running my 6 miles before work. Yes, I miss it so so sooo much, more than you could ever imagine, but the ‘craving’ for it has subsided. The craving for any exercise has really gone away as meditation and just enjoying life has taken over!

I’ve actually had to change my work hours so I start earlier since I can’t stand to not be up and running before work, this way, I am already at work before I can even think about it!

One thing I wanted to touch on today is the fact of keeping all of this HA business a secret. I am not the most private person in the world but I also have this idea of wanting to overcome HA and our bout with infertility before I announce it to our world 100%. One of the harder things about being a health nut and runner is that people constantly ask me about it. They are curious because I have come so far over the last year and made it such a priority and interest that was all I wanted to talk about.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE talking about everything health/fitness/food related as it still is very much a passion of mine. But I like to talk to people about themselves without turning it on me and what I’m doing in the present.

Now, I get asked, “are you still running?” When I say no, I get a look as if they want me to give them an explanation, so I cross my fingers and tell a small lie about the reasoning’s for why I am not/can’t run right now.  Sometimes it’s “I got tired of it” but then I feel like a failure because it’s so far from the truth. I didn’t get tired of it, I am a true runner at heart and will always love it…but without going into detail, I swallow my ego and act like I’m done with running because I made the choice to stop.

Other times I answer with “I’m having knee problems.” This isn’t completely false. I had a lot of knee pain when running which I attempted to ignore, take frequent Epsom Salt baths, ice, wrap, elevate, compress, baby, but continue to run on – and now without the constant damage to it, my knees feel great! But it’s still not the complete truth.

I’m starting to get tired of the excuses and tired of making up reasoning to others. I’m tired of acting like I don’t want to run when it’s killing me inside.

…but some day, someday soon I hope, I can spread the word that this condition exists (which is why I decided to take the plunge and blog to all of you reading this) because hopefully some day, I can help prevent this from happening to someone else. To spread the word that yes, healthy is good and fitness is good but it’s very easy to take it to the extreme and have it turn unhealthy and finding that balance is key. Finding that balance is something I didn’t understand or learn until it was too late.

One thing I’ve learned in this bittersweet curse I have been blessed with, is just that, life is about balance. My life went from one extreme to the next and I didn’t allow myself to search out for that balance that worked for me and my body.

Because of my battle with HA, I am learning how to balance…and I hope once I have overcome this, I can share with you ways to achieve that balance.


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