Another Chance

16 Aug

Natural cycle #3 my body wasn’t sure what to do so we had lots of ‘fake-outs’. Stress added to a lot of this I believe, and a reason that this cycle wasn’t successful. After having too many fake-outs, stress was continuing to add on day by day, delaying the cycle even longer. Once I finally figured out what my body was doing, I was so excited I was in that dreaded two week wait for the 3rd time (even though the past 2 weren’t quite two weeks with a short luteal phase, but this time I was prescribed Prometrium (progesterone) to help extend that. The Prometrium led me to believe I was having all kinds of symptoms, but some wise friends told me that it would probably do that and to try and look past analyzing each thing.

After being so sure this was it, I was devastated with the negative tests. I actually THOUGHT I saw a ghost positive line and took the test apart to see if maybe there was a trace on the strip that wasn’t coming through the window…{can we say desperation?} There was nothing there and it was my heart playing tricks on me.

So on to cycle #4. I’m not going to lie, once I had the 3rd negative test earlier this week, I was beyond heartbroken {ask dear hubs…} but in a way, it also prepared me to change my mindset going in to this next cycle.

Cycle #4 is a new opportunity. Another chance. A chance that I am lucky to have. I am going to vow right now that I am going to start trusting my body to do what it’s made to do. After this cycle, doing everything that we could have possibly done to make it successful and then it failing on us proves to me that I really don’t have control in any of this. Our time will come.

Dealing with infertility has taught me so much, especially my battle with hypothalamic amenorrhea, about myself. My faults, my strength, my marriage, my relationships, have all grown because of this. Maybe it’s a lesson from a higher power, maybe it’s strictly anatomy, but there’s a reason and I really do hope that someday it will become obvious to me. 2011 was my year to prove to myself my physical strength, but 2012 has been a year of training my true emotional and mental strength, and I don’t give up when it comes to challenges!

Here’s to a new chance. Here’s to positivity. Here’s to the hardships and challenges of life. And here’s to the day we overcome those struggles!

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One Response to “Another Chance”

  1. Priscilla August 16, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

    Beautifully written 😉 So proud of you for moving on…you can do this and I’ll be here every step of the way!! ❤

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