Fill It Up

11 Apr

This past week has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. I have never had so much hope and positivity one day and so much devastation the next. It was enough to drive a person crazy!

Luckily I have my mom who knew exactly what could pick me back up! This tea is so relaxing!! Thanks Mom!!! Love you :)

Luckily, I have my mom who knew exactly what could pick me back up! This tea is so relaxing!! Thanks Mom!!! Love you 🙂

Unfortunately, here we go again talking about next steps in our journey towards having a baby.

I can’t really say if each time gets easier because I don’t think it will ever be easy BUT I do find myself picking myself back up a lot faster each time.

I allow myself one day to feel sad, one day to cry my heart out if I need to, one day to feel angry, one day to dance at my pity party and then I must move on.

I thought this was funny ;)

Saw this on Resolve’s Pinterest board, thought it’d make ya’ll smile 🙂

[source]

The truth is, I have this empty place in my heart that I ridiculously tell myself won’t be filled until I get pregnant. Somewhere along the way, I let the want for a baby turn into a challenge that I needed to overcome. That need overtook much too much space in my heart making that empty place grow more, which made the want grow and in turn, the need grew.

Of course wanting a family of our own, wanting a baby in our lives and all of the happiness that comes with that is very important to us and we will continue to try very hard to have that but if I’ve learned anything this past cycle it’s that I have let that empty place grow far too big. The place in my heart that has absolutely no reason to be empty in the first place!

I look around me daily and am thankful for what I have and who I have in my life, all of the love and memories and things I am truly lucky to have. I think back to the time before we decided to start trying for a baby and I remember how genuinely happy I was…when along the way did I allow that empty space to overtake me; rating things that truly made me happy as less than enough? That empty space started shrinking as soon as I realized how ridiculous that was. How sad it is I let it get so out of control and how necessary it is for me to take the reigns and fill that emptiness up with all of the things I have today.

happiness quote

[source]

Mark my words, that empty space is not welcomed anymore!

It’s like anything in life that you may want so badly (especially when it’s out of your control). If you let it consume you, it takes over and gives you an all or nothing attitude, which in my eyes is the worst attitude to have and the worst way to live your life. Happiness should not be measured by one thing and sadly it’s very easy to let that happen.

I may not have control over when God feels the time is right for us to have a perfect little baby of our own (or when that stork gets himself a GPS 😉 hehe) but I do have control over my happiness believe it or not. It’s kind of sad how long it took me to figure this one out but talk about cheap therapy!

It’s crazy how much you grow as a person at the times you are feeling the weakest…

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10 Responses to “Fill It Up”

  1. Taryn April 11, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

    Wow, that’s a pretty powerful quote. And ohmygosh, “It’s crazy how much you grow as a person at the times you are feeling the weakest…” – that is perfect. So so true. I kept thinking of 2012 as a horrible year because of a lot of the stress and disappointment I dealt with. Then I actually looked back at the year and realized how much I grew and how many good things actually happened. It’s so hard to think about that when you’re feeling down, but seeing the positive is such a great thing to be able to do – and it sounds like you’re doing that. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you! (You’re so right though – you’ll get that baby when you’re supposed to. I am a firm believer in that.)

    • Mallory April 12, 2013 at 6:58 am #

      Thanks Taryn!!! I’m sorry that 2012 was a bad year for you too 😦 I am the same way though, as soon as I get past it and look back, I realize how much I have grown and matured and that it really wasn’t as bad as it may have seemed! I think that means you truly did grow stronger because of it!

  2. Priscilla April 11, 2013 at 3:43 pm #

    Beautiful Mal, couldn’t have said it any better myself!! I have so much love and respect for you and know in my heart that your day will come too ❤ I keep you in my thoughts always and am so happy/proud of the growth you've made over the last year 😀 Love ya!

    • Mallory April 12, 2013 at 6:57 am #

      Thanks Priscilla! 🙂 luv ya!

  3. natalie@thesweetslife April 11, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

    LOVE THIS! 🙂

    • Mallory April 12, 2013 at 6:57 am #

      Thanks Natalie! 🙂 ❤

  4. maureenbreakingfree April 11, 2013 at 10:08 pm #

    that baby IS coming and when he/she does, they will have the strongest parents and will know how much they were wanted and loved!

    • Mallory April 12, 2013 at 6:57 am #

      Thanks Maureen! 🙂 I sure hope so 🙂 🙂 🙂

  5. Karla April 12, 2013 at 2:13 pm #

    Mmm… Love tea! Oh Mallory, I know all too well how you are feeling right now. I was seriously thinking the exact same thoughts a few days ago. I remember loooooong before even wanting babies, hubby and I talked about ‘what if we couldn’t get pregnant?’ At that time, I said I wouldn’t let it affect my happiness. Wrong-o!!! I find myself constantly thinking that I will be happy once I have a baby. I know this is not true. Thank you for putting this into beautiful words. Thank you for the reminder that we do have wonderful things in our lives and we can be happy now! I love the comic with the stork! I just know that I will be seeing a pregnancy announcement post soon and I can’t wait for that to happen for your, you are a beautiful soul and your angel is going to be so lucky to have you as their mommy!

  6. jessielovestorun April 13, 2013 at 3:33 am #

    Mallory, thank you so much for this post! You opened my eyes to a complete different few, and I cannot tell you how much I just NEEDED to read this. You are 100% right in every.single.word you wrote! You know I adore you, and I just wish we lived closer to one another so we could go through this together. You WILL get pregnant and have the baby you’ve opened for, and you’ll be the most wonderful & beautiful mother <3. Continue smiling and… be patient!

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