Putting Trust in the Tomorrows

28 Aug

The blog, once again, has taken a seat on the backburner for me. To be honest, I almost deleted it…I’m glad a few close friends of mine talked me out of it because there are so many women out there that struggle with this very same thing in some way or another.

IMG_20130816_184407_772

I want to thank everyone out there who find/follow my blog and reach out to me through emails and comments. Building a support system is the first step in getting through this rough journey and there is nothing more uplifting to me than to know that I have helped someone out there get through even just one more day. I may not be very fast at responding back to your emails but I promise, I will!

At this point, I just keep praying and hoping every day that something will work. I trust my Doctor so much and have faith he will get us our baby some day but I go through so many ups and downs of hope and excitement to devastating letdowns that each time you’d think would get easier…

Ooo the dog's life...

Ooo the dog’s life…

Our first Femara (Letrozole) cycle with our first IUI (intrauterine insemination) didn’t work. Well it worked, perfectly actually, but the outcome was the same.

The decision to try IUI was a hard one for us and one I unfortunately saw coming but continued to drag my feet trying. The hard part about going through treatments is that you really never know what will work and what wont so it’s hard to let go of that hope that ‘this’ one will work and move on.

The waiting room table next to me. I go to an OB/GYN for now so infertility patients are right in the motherhood action

The waiting room table next to me. I go to an OB/GYN for now so infertility patients are right in the motherhood action

My Doctor, very much a numbers guy, laid out our percentages of chances each month depending on what we tried. The decision to try IUI was a decision that my Doctor felt necessary after reevaluating some of our tests and for a fairly ‘inexpensive’ (not really…but cheaper than some treatments that we could have up ahead of us) chance increaser, we felt it was worth it.

The hardest part of making this decision was letting go of how I always imagined creating a family. Fortunately with the medical advances, there is not one perfect way of creating a family and if this resulted in our baby, it would definitely NOT matter.

The other hard part was the constant appointments. Luckily, it was only for that first round because it really adds up – time off work, cost, and anxiety/stress. I had a baseline ultrasound to see what things looked like while not on medicine, a few weeks later, I went in for another ultrasound to check my progress.

IMG_20130823_161019_850

The next day I got a positive OPK, and I was instructed to call the Dr. to schedule our IUI for the following day. The IUI was a lot like my HSG. I had some mild pain, some cramping but overall, things went good! Afterwards I continued to say some prayers and David and I talked about whether our little girl would play hockey or not…hehe, even Doctor was in on that conversation!

IMG_20130823_102419_532

A week later I had some blood work done accompanied by a few signs that convinced me I was pregnant, including a dream that I actually got a positive pregnancy test (my first dream ever!)…a few days later, my dreams shattered down around me as I headed out the door to go for a walk with a friend.

From trying naturally for so long and to now having completed almost 6 months of infertility treatments, I’ve come to learn not to look ahead; yet it never fails, every time my Doctor and I talk, I ask about what could be next, but in all reality, you never know what will work or what tomorrow will bring and the thought of what’s to come only brings me extra anxiety.

The new seasonal s'mores blizzard is out of this world!

The new seasonal s’mores blizzard is out of this world!

What I do need to think about is all of the exciting things to come in my life! Our 3 year anniversary is just a few short weeks away and we will be celebrating in the fall at a house on one of the Great Lakes with a gorgeous view and our brown eyed pup alongside of us. (This year, we are trying something different in hopes no mice will be joining us!) At the end of this year, we will be traveling to visit a fellow HA survivor and soon to be mama, her hilarious husband, and their newborn boy with a trip to California followed by a short getaway just David and I to Mexico.

IMG_20130819_174334

David has wanted to go back to Mexico since we came back from our honeymoon and I am always saying no because well, what if I’m pregnant? Then it was the cost of treatments – but in all reality, the best thing for us is to go on a trip (right? That’s what everyone says! Hehe) so I told him to plan it, book it, and it’ll all work out.

Meet the new, spontaneous, carefree, go-with-the-flow Mallory!

Advertisements

12 Responses to “Putting Trust in the Tomorrows”

  1. Linda Vasquez August 28, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    Awesome post Mal 🙂 my finger’s are still crossed for you two!! xoxo

    • Mallory September 10, 2013 at 7:53 pm #

      Thanks Linda! You are the best! 🙂 Keep those fingers crossed ~just don’t double cross them, that’s bad luck! hehe~ 😉 xo

  2. Priscilla August 28, 2013 at 9:08 pm #

    Yay!!! Glad to see you posting again and love how open and honest you have been…I promise you are helping others just by sharing your story and making them feel less alone. I think of you and D everyday and pray that one day soon you’ll finally see your dream come true!! I’m looking forward to seeing you soon and hope that you’ll be bringing a little baby bump along with you ; ) Love ya lots girlie ❤

    • Mallory September 10, 2013 at 7:52 pm #

      Thanks P! 🙂 I have so much to look forward to every day because of the people in my life and the support and warmth that this journey has showed David and I. Because of the friends and family that surround us, someday, we will celebrate this journey. Luv ya! ~ PS: I can’t wait for our trip! 🙂

  3. natalie@thesweetslife August 29, 2013 at 11:52 am #

    Love you, and the strength with which you’ve gone about this journey. Sooo many prayers for you my dear! I’m so glad you’re continuing to live life and can’t wait to hear about these upcoming adventures!

    • Mallory September 10, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

      THanks Nat! You are the sweetest! 🙂 Thank you for sympathizing when I need sympathy, lifting me up when I feel down, and cheering me on when my hopes are high! It matters so much! ❤

  4. Lindsey August 29, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

    I have said this before but will tell you again because I really to know and believe this. You are such an amazing person with so much love and such a great attitude about all of this I know your dream(s) will come true. I am SO happy to hear you are going to see P! I agree go on the trip – pregnant or not and enjoy yourselves you guys deserve it. I am always thinking of you xoxox.

    • Mallory September 10, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

      Thank you Lindsey! You are amazing as well! 🙂 Thank you for all of your support & friendship!!!! Lots of love to you and baby running tale! 😉

  5. Tara September 3, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

    So glad to see you post on here again! You are an inspiration to soooo many women! Enjoy your trip to cali to see the wonderful P:) And know that things will work out for you and you will be a mama! Not knowing when is the hard part. Thinking of you all the time! xo

    • Mallory September 10, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

      Thanks Tara! And thank you for always being there to help with my questions, cheer me on, and tell me it’ll be ok! I appreciate your friendship and cherish it so much! xoxo

  6. Happybaker September 27, 2013 at 2:29 am #

    Malie I love you NEVER delete your blog!

    • Mallory October 22, 2013 at 10:00 am #

      Don’t u worry Helen I won’t 🙂 xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: