Break Time Update

30 Nov

I’ve been wanting to sit down and write an ‘update’ blog post for about a month now but I really just needed to emotionally and physically step away from all of it. 

There are a lot of hard things to deal with when it comes to infertility but one of the hardest is the end of a cycle. Every cycle, especially with treatments, our hopes were high that this one would work, this one would be our miracle. I lived so many 2 weeks fighting between wanting this one to be it and not wanting to be completely devastated all while being so in-tune with my body that every twinge, every dream, every ‘sign’ gave me renewed hope or a crashing feeling of sadness.

First real snowfall of the season!

First real snowfall of the season!

After we learned our 8th and final round was yet another let down, my Dr. told us we’d need to stop with treatments for 3 months and then regroup and decide what we want to do moving forward. We were both crushed (and unbelievably scared) but in a weird way; freed. We needed this break, a break from Drs, appointments, bills (ugh the bills), meds, the hope, the letdown, all of it! It was also another chance to see what my body would do on it’s own and take a few months to ‘not think about it & relax’ as that seems to be the magic treatment for so many lucky ones!

This past month, though, I have found joy again. I lost it somewhere along the way. Of course, each day is different. Some days are just plain tough. When you want something as bad as we do, no matter how much you try not to think about it – you are thinking about it. I’ve realized what things around me trigger those feelings and know that if I can’t handle overcoming it, a good cry followed by ice cream, chocolate, or wine does wonders! 😉

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So in the mean time, we continue to sit in-waiting. It’s really a strange feeling as I look back on the last 2 years and see how fast they have gone and I see how many lives around me have changed and how stuck that makes me feel but even though the circumstances in my life haven’t changed – I have. A lot. And I am very thankful for that!

I got my tree up a few weeks ago...I know, earliest ever for me and probably just made some eyes roll!

I got my tree up a few weeks ago…I know, probably just made some eyes roll!

Lately, I have been loving (loving!) yoga. I attend a class about once a week at a yoga studio in town and when I leave there I feel like I’ve been at a spa all day long! We also are looking SO forward to our big trip we have coming up and have been putting a lot of focus on the anticipation and excitement for that. Hockey is also keeping us plenty busy. And of course the holidays! I’m also attempting to teach myself how to hand-letter. 

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I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving with lots of love surrounding you, I know we did! If there is anything I am especially thankful for this year it’s the people and love I have in my life!

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2 Responses to “Break Time Update”

  1. Priscilla December 2, 2013 at 6:27 am #

    Just wanted to tell you that I’m so proud of how strong you’ve been over the last 2 years…infertility is an extremely painful journey and you’ve done it with such grace and beauty. I know the fear of the unknown can sometimes take hold and cause your hope and faith to diminish…its for this reason that I’m so glad you’re taking this break to recharge and learn to love and trust your body again! I will always have faith that you will have your happy ending even when you’re not so sure…xoxo~P

  2. natalie@thesweetslife December 3, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    You are fantastic my friend–I love your heart and your ability to keep on pressing on!

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