Fresh Eyes

16 Jan

I rarely write these posts in WordPress; typically I type them up in Word and then copy and paste them into WordPress. The graphic designer in me generally takes about 5-10 minutes before even starting to write to pick a font…a font that won’t even be carried over to the web! But there is just something about typing in different fonts that I love…crazy creatives.

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On top of that, it takes another 5-10 minutes just to pick my playlist to listen to! (No wonder I don’t post as often as I would like to! haha

So I’m getting a second opinion. I love my Dr., I really do and I don’t want to switch, but I think it’s time I have to. Maybe it won’t be for good but I need someone else with fresh eyes to look at my charts and not just throw the hope out the window on me.

Unfortunately, with modern medicine (which is definitely not a bad thing….but a bad ‘side effect’ I guess…) it’s so much easier and efficient to tell someone the only thing they can do is to move forward with more aggressive treatments, otherwise it will take a small miracle for us to have a baby of our own. But I’ve heard of miracles happening…

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I would honestly do crazy things to have a baby and for this chapter to end but there’s a feeling in my gut (maybe its denial) that my body is fixable. And maybe at some point this year, when we’ve saved more money and have come to terms with our next steps, we will take the doctor’s advice to move forward with treatment, but I need another doctor to tell me the same thing before I believe I’m unfixable.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping the new Dr. will tell me – maybe she has an answer for why my body is being the way it is instead of just telling me it’s unexplained? Maybe more tests or new blood work or maybe something was missed? Or maybe she will agree with my fate and recommend moving forward. Either way, I am looking forward to hopefully a new outlook or maybe even, if I’m lucky, some answers.

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After I made the appointment, I wrote up 2 large notepad pieces of paper summarizing each month for the last 2 years (with a little history on the year when my HA developed) to take to her so I can remember everything. After having test after test done, no consistency in cycles, and random weird things happening – it’s a lot to remember on a whim. While I reflected back on my journey, I realized how far I’ve come emotionally to have handled all that I have and how strong David and I have been as a couple together. I’ve also realized how important our support system around us has been to get us through all of these ups and downs. It’s been quite the past few years…and though, at times, I feel like I’m nowhere further than I was 2 years ago – I know that emotionally, as a person, and a mother in waiting – I’ve come a long way.

In the meantime, I’ve been doing my own research on holistic approaches to regulating hormone imbalances. I added in some vitamins, am making some dietary changes, strengthening my Faith, and am working on my internal-self to de-stress, gain patience, and think positively – all in hopes my body will magically reset itself – or at the very least, make each day a little easier on me emotionally!

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7 Responses to “Fresh Eyes”

  1. Priscilla January 16, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

    I don’t know why but this post brought tears to my eyes…I think mostly because I’m proud of you for the growth that you have shown, but also because my heart aches for you ❤ I think you know this already, but I've always felt like you could do this on your own and you are NOT broken! I hope and pray that this new doctor feels the same and gives you some direction. My greatest wish for this year is that you finally have your dream come true!! Please know that you're in my thoughts always~xoxo

    • Mallory January 21, 2014 at 7:15 pm #

      Aww P! No tears ok!? Thank you for being proud of me and for all of your support, hugs, shoulder lending, and prayers. You’ve been a fantastic inspiration and mentor throughout my journey and I couldnt ask for a better friend along side of me! Thank you for pushing me to get a second opinion and praying it’ll at least give me some comfort and hope if not answers! ❤ xoxo

  2. natalie@thesweetslife January 17, 2014 at 2:32 pm #

    I agree with P–you’re not broken!!! I can’t wait for you to get a second opinion because I have high hopes for you!

    • Mallory January 21, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

      Thanks Natalie!!! You are sweet! I really hope I’m not broken and hopefully can do this on my own!!! Thanks for your hopes, prayers, and support!!! ❤ ya!

  3. foreverhopeful23 January 20, 2014 at 10:08 am #

    I think a second opinion is a very smart move.. If anything it may make you feel more comfortable with your decisions you make in the near future. Have you read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility?” Another blogger recommended it to me and I am so glad I bought it and read it. You might like it as well 🙂

    • Mallory January 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm #

      Thanks girl!!! I’ll be interested to see what the new Dr. says! 🙂 I haven’t read that…thanks for referring it! I’ll have to check it out! 🙂

  4. Lindsey January 21, 2014 at 7:49 pm #

    I look forward to your updates. Fighting HA for almost four years now I would love for someone to share a different technique to get my body back to ‘normal’. Thank you for your blog. I appreciate you

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