Our Second Opinion

18 Feb

A few weeks ago, we met our new Doctor. She is wonderful. (I’ll call her Dr. K) We both really liked her sympathetic, compassionate, and down-to-earth personality and felt comforted by her fresh take on things. She didn’t necessarily offer us new hope or good news but is interested in what’s going on instead of just pushing us towards more invasive treatments.

You could tell as I talked about our past years, that her heart broke for us. She felt like there is definitely something more going on and it’s worth looking into…literally…to see what is going on in there. I never had an issue with my old Doctor. He was always very knowledgeable and proactive –and I liked that. But when things weren’t working and we were at a dead end, we decided it was best to have a set of fresh eyes on our situation.

I have had suspicions of something called endometriosis for about a year now and when I brought it up to my old Doctor he sort of shrugged it off saying I didn’t have enough symptoms to check for it. The only real way of diagnosing endometriosis is to have laparoscopic surgery.

Dr. K felt like with a history of abnormally painful periods and infertility, even with pursuing treatments, that it’s worth it to do the surgery, and she felt it was a good next step for us.

So we decided to go forward with the laparoscopic surgery. I will be having the procedure in the beginning of March. And praying for good news or at the very least, some answers.

They will make a small incision at the bottom of my belly button and possibly 2 more incisions in my lower abdomen and will insert a scope so they can check for any implants/scarring/anything abnormal that shouldn’t be there or may be causing our infertility. If there is anything that they can clean/burn off, they will at that time. While they are in there, they will also be pushing dye through my tubes again (much like the HSG but I will be out), to make sure they are still clear.

I am thankful for answers one way or another.

I really feel like my heart has opened up throughout this journey. I really feel like God is in there doing His thing, making room for more love to share than I could have ever imagined. Sure, bad days (sometimes really bad days) come and go – but who doesn’t have bad days? I am learning to lean into those days, feel that pain (it’s ok to feel it), deal with it (it’s ok to cry and feel angry and hurt), and remember that a day is one small second in our lives, this too shall pass (though hopefully sooner rather than later) and I will look back on this journey and see our lives, our marriage, our selves, our pain, our reasonings, and our hearts, changed. Improved.

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Anyone going through infertility – it’s plain hard. I haven’t posted on the bad days in a while…but my outlook isn’t always as hopeful as it may seem, and my good days, my hopeful posts, are the results of those bad days. I typically don’t post on the bad days, the really bad days, because that’s the time I really struggle to make sense of it all. That process of sorting it all out has become very personal to me. Unfortunately, those bad days also bring a lot of guilt and shame…and that is ok. That is normal. All of us mothers in waiting go through those days (too many to count) and understand those feelings, I just wanted to remind all of you that this journey is real, we experience some very real emotions – some emotions we never have felt before, some we aren’t really sure how to deal with – but sometimes it’s about those bad days. Without those bad days, we wouldn’t grow, and God wouldn’t put anyone through this painful journey without a reason. I promise, trusting that there’s a reason to this is the only thing that will make it make sense.

I’ll keep you updated with hopefully good news in March!

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13 Responses to “Our Second Opinion”

  1. Lindsay L, RD (@LeanGrnBeanBlog) February 18, 2014 at 2:06 pm #

    fingers crossed for you and hugs your way!

    • Mallory February 18, 2014 at 3:29 pm #

      Thank you Lindsay!! 🙂 Hugs your way as well….we’ll get through this!!!

  2. Whole Belly February 18, 2014 at 2:14 pm #

    Wishing you a speedy recovery after your laparoscopy. I had one about 18 months ago and was diagnosed with endo after suspecting it for a long time. My painful periods definitely improved after the surgery. I spent about a week in bed recovering and needed to wear loose pants for awhile while the incisions healed. Also the pain meds caused severe constipation. Maybe go in prepared with some prune juice on hand lol. 🙂 Best of luck!

    • Mallory February 18, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

      Thank you!!! Did you have irregular cycles? Did the surgery seem to help? Maybe if you don’t mind, i’ll shoot you an email? I haven’t really talked to anyone who has experienced the surgery first hand. Thank you for reading and commenting!!! I’ll definitely grab some prune juice 😉

      • Whole Belly February 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm #

        The surgery did help my cycles. Please, yes, shoot me an email and I’d be happy to answer any questions. I had a woman share her experience with me beforehand and it helped ease my nerves. My email is wholebellyblog@gmail.

  3. Linda Vasquez February 18, 2014 at 5:58 pm #

    Good luck prayers for you sweetie! fingers and toes crossed too 😉 it’s definitely your turn!!

    • Mallory February 21, 2014 at 6:38 am #

      Thanks Linda 🙂 Miss you!!

  4. Laura February 20, 2014 at 12:17 am #

    Wow, just wanted to say your post was so strong, so inspiring, and so faith-based. Thank you for your honesty about the “bad days.” We all know they are there and how difficult they can be, but you are choosing to see them as teachers, as vehicles for growth. That is beyond courageous. I wish you continued faith and strength on this journey and for fruitful results that keep on paying you back in love and hugs

    • Mallory February 21, 2014 at 6:38 am #

      Thanks Laura for reading!! Also, thank you for the wishes of faith and strength – I can’t tell you how much it means to have so many wonderful people rooting for us!!

  5. Karla February 20, 2014 at 8:28 pm #

    Hey Mallory! You will certainly be in my prayers! I had lap in June 2011- 2 weeks before our wedding and was diagnosed with endo and then had lap again the past August. If you need anything or just want to chat send me an email. Hugs!

    • Mallory February 21, 2014 at 6:35 am #

      Hey Karla!!! I’ve been thinking about you!!! I may just be messaging you on that for sure! Did it seem to help you?? Thanks for offering your support & experience! Hope all has been well!

      • Karla February 21, 2014 at 9:07 pm #

        I check your blog regularly and you’re always in my prayers! 🙂 Having lap did help because it diagnosed the endo and my doc was able to cut away adhesions that had attached my uterus to my bowel (which I obviously had no idea it was attached!) this relieved a ton of back pain that I had for years.

      • Mallory March 27, 2014 at 9:04 pm #

        Thank you Karla!!!! I need to message you as i’m super curious to see how things are going for you!!!

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