Tag Archives: hope

The Window

20 Feb

Outside the rain runs down the, dirtied by months of ice and snow, window. The first rain always makes things so gloomy until the salted, filthy snow melts into the ground and the muddy, brown grass turns green again.

Gizmo is so over the dry winter static

Gizmo is so over the dry winter static

Iowa winters in particular can be long and dreadful. The first snowfall is exciting and beautiful, but after the holidays are over, the frigid temperatures and constant snow starts to cloud over everyone – making it hard to remember the joys of summer and the times when happiness comes so easily.

Thankfully, no season in life lasts forever.  The winter season is slowly shifting towards spring; flowers, sun, and the comfort of warmer air. I look out that same window and see my reflection staring back.

I snap back into reality and realize that that reflection says it all.

Much like the weather, we (David and I) are in a season of waiting. A season that feels similar to a long, gloomy winter that never seems to end.

My hope has started to shift from wanting to experience the next season, to getting the most out of this one. I refuse to waste this time in our lives and have it be forever haunted by that deep pain at the bottom of my stomach that includes the broken pieces of so many hard days.

Time will continue to pass; and with no control from us, the snow will melt, and a new season will start

So why not play in the snow?

I am making a conscious effort to enjoy this life of mine; every second. I don’t think we can ever try too hard at living in the present, and unless we make that conscious effort to soak in each breath, we’ll go back to breathing just to live, not to really live. We are instinctively always making goals, plans, looking at the future, and trying to change, but what happens if we just stop trying so hard? Will the time we spend on worrying and planning be replaced with actually doing and maybe in the end, feeling happier, less stressed, and more successful at the things that really matter to us?

Isn’t that what life is about?

If (personally) I spend less time on Facebook, and more time on practicing yoga, will that make me happier? Yes. If I spend less time thinking about how to use my creativity, and more time using it, will that make me happier? Yes. If I spend less time worrying about when we will become parents, and more time trusting God will make it happen one way or another, will I feel comforted? Yes. If I spend less time worrying about what work needs to be done, and more time spent with my family, trying to be the best wife, daughter, sister, and aunt (and another niece/nephew on the way! Surprise!!!! 🙂 🙂 !!!!), will that make me happier? More than ever.

So why do we waste so much time on doing those things that don’t necessarily make us happier? Maybe we take all of the good things for granted by not fully being in the present? We are always one step ahead of ourselves.

This time, as I look out the window, I see the birds who have stuck out this long winter flying around and the trees that stood strong as ice and snow weighted them down for months, and the blue sky that hides behind the thick, gray cloud cover…


** Prepare for goosebumps**
I wrote this post earlier today, looking out this very same window (the window I talk about above)…hours upon hours after I finished writing this post, the rain picks up and a storm rolls in (remember it’s only February still, so any type of rain, especially a thunderstorm is really out of the ordinary!). After some time passes, the skies get a little brighter and I glance out the window just in time to catch this beautiful full rainbow which appeared just long enough for me to snap a picture, directly outside of that very same window I reflected about hours before. I immediately understood what I was being told by this symbol of hope. Everything is going to be ok. Every season, every storm; passes. 

I’m being looked after.


Join The Movement: We Matter

24 Apr

I recently read an article that pointed out that infertility is similar to how breast cancer was 30 years ago. Breast cancer was dealt with in private because it was a disease that was never completely understood because women didn’t talk about it much. Infertility has been treated very similar as breast cancer was years back. It is something that is battled privately, a battle that so many couples struggle with in silence. But why?

Why is infertility something that is so taboo to talk about? When did it become something we should feel ashamed and embarrassed of?

This is something I can’t stop thinking about during this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week.

Society doesn’t treat infertility like they treat, for example, diabetes. Diseases are treated with doctors, medication, lifestyle changes, a lot of heart, soul, and tears but yet infertility is seen as less acceptable by society.


“In 2009, the World Health Organization officially defined infertility as a disease. Yet many individuals, organizations, and insurance companies still say that having children is a lifestyle choice and that infertility is not a serious medical issue. Some even liken fertility treatments to cosmetic surgery. But ask the millions of couples desperately trying to get pregnant whether or not having children is a necessity. Why would they subject themselves to months of years of such turmoil if, to them, it weren’t essential to try?” Dina Roth Port, The Huffington Post, Infertility: The Disease We Need to Start Talking About

Resolve has dedicated this week in April to get people talking, to open up about issues, advocate for change, and instill hope in those still struggling. It’s for us to come together and make a difference, to educate those around us, and to find our voice on the issue. Change is made when there is enough passion to make it happen.

“The bottom line is that far too many people are suffering. But by suffering in silence, the stigma persists and the advances we need to overcome infertility will never become a reality”…”It starts with those struggling with infertility saying, “We matter.” –Dina Roth Port

This doesn’t mean you have to shout off the rooftops that you are struggling with infertility, I personally still haven’t openly announced our struggles with my world 100% but gradually we have opened up to those around us and this NIAW I have felt much more confident in advocating for what I feel so strongly about. My blog has been a huge help with that. It’s a place where I can share my knowledge, speak from my heart, and all without judgement (hopefully).

Some ways that you and I can help is to speak openly about infertility and take seriousness in the fact that anyone around you could be dealing with infertility, join or start up a support group in your area, participate in the Walk of Hope (becoming increasingly popular), contact your elected officials with concerns and ideas, and most importantly, just keep the conversation going about infertility. The more we talk and discuss it, the more comfortable and accepted the issue will become.

As we continue to struggle with our own infertility, I hope to always be a part of this movement. I will not allow those to feel like they are going through this alone. I will not allow financial hurdles that could so easily go away with the help from Washington get swept under the rug. And I will continue to be open about our struggles to keep the conversation going that infertility is a disease, it is something 1 in 8 struggle with, and it is something that needs to change. We matter. Our dreams matter. And our futures matter.


For more information on infertility, NIAW, or what you can do to join the movement:

Kick off to NIAW

22 Apr

National Infertility Awareness Week is here!! I am so excited to spread the word through my blog that infertility is an issue. It is something 1 in 8 struggle with. Having children isn’t just a privilege some people are lucky enough to have, it is what we are made to do, it is the number one goal of millions of women out there and it is a disease that effects their well being and the way they go about living their lives (most of the time, privately and alone).


National Infertility Awareness Week is here to give those couples that struggle with infertility a chance to be supported, shed light on, and make the world aware that anyone around you could be dealing with this life altering battle. NIAW is a chance to spread hope.

Also, I did a guest post on Maureen’s blog at breakingfreeandfindingme.com in honor of NIAW! Check it out on her amazing blog 🙂 She is helping spread the word and is such a kind, caring person and has been so supportive and encouraging in my journey. Thanks Maureen!!