Tag Archives: hypothalamic amenorrhea

Putting Trust in the Tomorrows

28 Aug

The blog, once again, has taken a seat on the backburner for me. To be honest, I almost deleted it…I’m glad a few close friends of mine talked me out of it because there are so many women out there that struggle with this very same thing in some way or another.

IMG_20130816_184407_772

I want to thank everyone out there who find/follow my blog and reach out to me through emails and comments. Building a support system is the first step in getting through this rough journey and there is nothing more uplifting to me than to know that I have helped someone out there get through even just one more day. I may not be very fast at responding back to your emails but I promise, I will!

At this point, I just keep praying and hoping every day that something will work. I trust my Doctor so much and have faith he will get us our baby some day but I go through so many ups and downs of hope and excitement to devastating letdowns that each time you’d think would get easier…

Ooo the dog's life...

Ooo the dog’s life…

Our first Femara (Letrozole) cycle with our first IUI (intrauterine insemination) didn’t work. Well it worked, perfectly actually, but the outcome was the same.

The decision to try IUI was a hard one for us and one I unfortunately saw coming but continued to drag my feet trying. The hard part about going through treatments is that you really never know what will work and what wont so it’s hard to let go of that hope that ‘this’ one will work and move on.

The waiting room table next to me. I go to an OB/GYN for now so infertility patients are right in the motherhood action

The waiting room table next to me. I go to an OB/GYN for now so infertility patients are right in the motherhood action

My Doctor, very much a numbers guy, laid out our percentages of chances each month depending on what we tried. The decision to try IUI was a decision that my Doctor felt necessary after reevaluating some of our tests and for a fairly ‘inexpensive’ (not really…but cheaper than some treatments that we could have up ahead of us) chance increaser, we felt it was worth it.

The hardest part of making this decision was letting go of how I always imagined creating a family. Fortunately with the medical advances, there is not one perfect way of creating a family and if this resulted in our baby, it would definitely NOT matter.

The other hard part was the constant appointments. Luckily, it was only for that first round because it really adds up – time off work, cost, and anxiety/stress. I had a baseline ultrasound to see what things looked like while not on medicine, a few weeks later, I went in for another ultrasound to check my progress.

IMG_20130823_161019_850

The next day I got a positive OPK, and I was instructed to call the Dr. to schedule our IUI for the following day. The IUI was a lot like my HSG. I had some mild pain, some cramping but overall, things went good! Afterwards I continued to say some prayers and David and I talked about whether our little girl would play hockey or not…hehe, even Doctor was in on that conversation!

IMG_20130823_102419_532

A week later I had some blood work done accompanied by a few signs that convinced me I was pregnant, including a dream that I actually got a positive pregnancy test (my first dream ever!)…a few days later, my dreams shattered down around me as I headed out the door to go for a walk with a friend.

From trying naturally for so long and to now having completed almost 6 months of infertility treatments, I’ve come to learn not to look ahead; yet it never fails, every time my Doctor and I talk, I ask about what could be next, but in all reality, you never know what will work or what tomorrow will bring and the thought of what’s to come only brings me extra anxiety.

The new seasonal s'mores blizzard is out of this world!

The new seasonal s’mores blizzard is out of this world!

What I do need to think about is all of the exciting things to come in my life! Our 3 year anniversary is just a few short weeks away and we will be celebrating in the fall at a house on one of the Great Lakes with a gorgeous view and our brown eyed pup alongside of us. (This year, we are trying something different in hopes no mice will be joining us!) At the end of this year, we will be traveling to visit a fellow HA survivor and soon to be mama, her hilarious husband, and their newborn boy with a trip to California followed by a short getaway just David and I to Mexico.

IMG_20130819_174334

David has wanted to go back to Mexico since we came back from our honeymoon and I am always saying no because well, what if I’m pregnant? Then it was the cost of treatments – but in all reality, the best thing for us is to go on a trip (right? That’s what everyone says! Hehe) so I told him to plan it, book it, and it’ll all work out.

Meet the new, spontaneous, carefree, go-with-the-flow Mallory!

Join The Movement: We Matter

24 Apr

I recently read an article that pointed out that infertility is similar to how breast cancer was 30 years ago. Breast cancer was dealt with in private because it was a disease that was never completely understood because women didn’t talk about it much. Infertility has been treated very similar as breast cancer was years back. It is something that is battled privately, a battle that so many couples struggle with in silence. But why?

Why is infertility something that is so taboo to talk about? When did it become something we should feel ashamed and embarrassed of?

This is something I can’t stop thinking about during this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week.

Society doesn’t treat infertility like they treat, for example, diabetes. Diseases are treated with doctors, medication, lifestyle changes, a lot of heart, soul, and tears but yet infertility is seen as less acceptable by society.

da7f795397decdaf0982d764bb1511ab{source}

“In 2009, the World Health Organization officially defined infertility as a disease. Yet many individuals, organizations, and insurance companies still say that having children is a lifestyle choice and that infertility is not a serious medical issue. Some even liken fertility treatments to cosmetic surgery. But ask the millions of couples desperately trying to get pregnant whether or not having children is a necessity. Why would they subject themselves to months of years of such turmoil if, to them, it weren’t essential to try?” Dina Roth Port, The Huffington Post, Infertility: The Disease We Need to Start Talking About

Resolve has dedicated this week in April to get people talking, to open up about issues, advocate for change, and instill hope in those still struggling. It’s for us to come together and make a difference, to educate those around us, and to find our voice on the issue. Change is made when there is enough passion to make it happen.

“The bottom line is that far too many people are suffering. But by suffering in silence, the stigma persists and the advances we need to overcome infertility will never become a reality”…”It starts with those struggling with infertility saying, “We matter.” –Dina Roth Port

This doesn’t mean you have to shout off the rooftops that you are struggling with infertility, I personally still haven’t openly announced our struggles with my world 100% but gradually we have opened up to those around us and this NIAW I have felt much more confident in advocating for what I feel so strongly about. My blog has been a huge help with that. It’s a place where I can share my knowledge, speak from my heart, and all without judgement (hopefully).

Some ways that you and I can help is to speak openly about infertility and take seriousness in the fact that anyone around you could be dealing with infertility, join or start up a support group in your area, participate in the Walk of Hope (becoming increasingly popular), contact your elected officials with concerns and ideas, and most importantly, just keep the conversation going about infertility. The more we talk and discuss it, the more comfortable and accepted the issue will become.

As we continue to struggle with our own infertility, I hope to always be a part of this movement. I will not allow those to feel like they are going through this alone. I will not allow financial hurdles that could so easily go away with the help from Washington get swept under the rug. And I will continue to be open about our struggles to keep the conversation going that infertility is a disease, it is something 1 in 8 struggle with, and it is something that needs to change. We matter. Our dreams matter. And our futures matter.

2709394ac774d2ee47244fab25fe28bb{source}

For more information on infertility, NIAW, or what you can do to join the movement:

Kick off to NIAW

22 Apr

National Infertility Awareness Week is here!! I am so excited to spread the word through my blog that infertility is an issue. It is something 1 in 8 struggle with. Having children isn’t just a privilege some people are lucky enough to have, it is what we are made to do, it is the number one goal of millions of women out there and it is a disease that effects their well being and the way they go about living their lives (most of the time, privately and alone).

2013-join-the-movement-image

National Infertility Awareness Week is here to give those couples that struggle with infertility a chance to be supported, shed light on, and make the world aware that anyone around you could be dealing with this life altering battle. NIAW is a chance to spread hope.

Also, I did a guest post on Maureen’s blog at breakingfreeandfindingme.com in honor of NIAW! Check it out on her amazing blog 🙂 She is helping spread the word and is such a kind, caring person and has been so supportive and encouraging in my journey. Thanks Maureen!!